"What the?! I did nae have any corn!!" -Fat Bastard
Fat Bastard is a fictional character (often an antagonist) from the Austin Powers films. He is played by Mike Myers.
Physical appearance and behaviorEdit
An immensely obese (weighing in at a metric ton) henchman turned Semi-Pro Sumo Wrestler hailing from Scotland, Fat Bastard served Dr. Evil in his quest to defeat Austin and conquer the World. In his attempt at victory in a fisticuff with Austin, he calls out "I hope my wire fighting team is ready!!" he then breaks the wire because he weighs a metric ton. He is noted for his foul temper (and foul smelling shits), his frequently breaking wind, and his unusual eating habits, namely a taste for babies (and anything that looks like a baby, e.g. midgets). He tries to refuse Dr. Evil's money for his services in exchange for eating Mini-Me. (A commonly repeated quote is him saying to Mini-Me "I'm bigger than you, I'm higher in the food chain! Get in ma belly!"). this cannabalistic feature of Fat Bastard shows he is no man but a savage beast that will shit and eat anything in his path. He has a penchant for singing the Chili's Babyback Ribs song. Fat Bastard has problems controlling his defecation patterns, as evidenced by his constant remarks of "turtleheads" and "skidmarks." His lack of appreciation for others having to deal with his stench extends into a sort of self-pride about the subject, especially in regards to his flatulence and the "leavings" he produces for those performing his Sumo laundry duties. When participating in Sumo matches, he wears a tartan mawashi, which could potentially help to disguise his skidmarks.
Some have stated that the characters appearance changed considerably in the third film compared to how he looked in the second. This was primarily due to some changes in the make-up to make the character look more realist. Fat bastard loves eating babies as he describes it as the "other, other white meat"
The Spy Who Shagged MeEdit
Fat Bastard stole Austin's Mojo in 1969, leaving Austin impotent in 1999 during coitus with Ivana Humpalot. Secret agent Felicity Shagwell places a homing device in his anus after seducing him. However, the device is ineffective, having been passed during one of Fat Bastard's bowel movements. After Austin learns of Felicity's deed with Fat Bastard, he is bewildered that she was even able to sleep with him without being crushed. During his final assassination attempt against Austin, upon being prompted by Felicity, Fat Bastard can be quoted as saying "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now if you excuse me, there's someone I need to get in touch with and forgive: myself," after which he passes wind. He becomes frustrated and tries to kill Austin and Felicity anyway. Felicity incapacitates him with a kick to his testicles but she says it was for revenge for him calling her " crap" in bed. He groans next moaning " Right in the mommy daddy button!" Before collasping causing a small earthquake. Fat Bastard's shits were have said to have pieces of corn larger than babies in them. His shit smells like everybody's cooking in an apartment building mixed together with crap.
Fat Bastard has left Dr. Evil's employ, relocating to Japan. There he becomes a sumo wrestler and, despite trying to go "straight," During his entrance he groans and complains that the diaper makes his nuts( testicles) rub together. During his match he twists his opponent's scrotum.
still occasionally carries out the odd job for Dr. Evil. This is seen by both Austin and Foxxy when he makes an exchange with Mr. Roboto. Eventually he loses all of his excess body fat, thanks to the Subway diet. He further expands to Austin and Foxxy during their film's premiere, "I've got a bit of excess skin though. And unfortunately, ma neck does kinda look like a vagina." He appears to be none the worse for wear, apart from his obvious loose skin, and even appears to have lost his stench and gained some sort of mental stability.
Fat Bastard weighed in at one metric ton, which is equal to 2,204 pounds. He was mentally obsessed with the idea of corn in his shit and compared a lot of things to corn. When he first saw Mini Me he literally said, "I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap." Fat Bastard also was very sexually active. Fat Bastard would spend hours on the shitter. Fat Bastard was apart of the ministry of defense and was the head bag pipe player showing us all that he was very talented. His diet consists of human meat and corn.. a lot of corn.
Reception and CensorshipEdit
His politically incorrect name has caused some uproar, and has put some individuals in a precarious position when trying to identify him. Roger Ebert referred to Fat Bastard as, "We can't even say his name!"; and some film critics in conservative papers refer to him as "obese illegitimate child". A figurine released for the character lists him as "Fat Man" on the box. Nonetheless, Fat Bastard is one of the most beloved and well received Powers characters, having been the subject of multiple memes since his inception in 1999. Fat Bastard has been immortalized in pop culture, nearly to the same degrees as Dr. Evil. This is especially fascinating, considering they are portrayed by the same actor.
- I eat because i'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because i eat"!
- "First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER?! I've got a turtle head poking out!"
- "I'm bigger than you, I'm higher in the food chain! GET IN MAH BELLY!"
- "Jesus Christ, this diaper's making my nuts rub together ... it's gonna start a FIRE!!"
- "(looking in the toilet) What the ... I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CORN!!!!"
- "I just hope my wire-fightin' team is readyyyyyyy!!"
- "I ATE A BABY!!!!!"
- "Suck my balls....NOW!!!!!"
- "Oh! Right in the mummy-daddy button!"
- "Hey, diaper lady. Here's mah diaper. (laughing) I think I pinched one off too soon. (sniffing) Oh, aye. I left a rosebud in there for ya."
- "I'm dead sexy!"
- "Oh great! Now it smells like someone took a shit in a pine tree!" (scene deleted, can be heard on the Spy Who Shagged Me DVD)
- (to Foxy Cleopatra) "OHHHHHHHHHH MA TITTIES!!!"
- "Come here, I'm gonna eat ya! I'm bigger than you, I'm higher on the food chain! Get in my belly!"
- "Here, baby, here, baby....I'm gonna eat ya!"
- "You're lucky, wee man!"
- "Sorry. I farted".
- "Dr. Evil, let me make you a deal alright, you keep your Mojo, you keep your money, and I'll get your baby" (licks lips)
- "Special Delivery!" (bashes through door) "Aaaah! Surprise, Surprise!"
Possible inspiration Edit
Tarrare was a French showman, soldier, and spy who lived in the 18th century. He was known for his seemingly endless appetite and unusual diet, routinely eating his own weight in a single day. Like Fat Bastard, Tarrare had extremely severe body odor, fecal odor, and flatulence. At one point he was even accused of eating a baby.
As a secret agent, Tarrare would swallow documents whole and then recover them from his stool when he reached his destination.
One key difference between the two is that Tarrare wasn't actually fat; he was in fact very thin as a result of his metabolism, but his stomach capacity was so large that he would blow up like a balloon and look fat once his stomach was filled. When not full, his excess skin hung so loosely that he could wrap it around himself. Thus, when he was hungry he would have more closely resembled "Thin Bastard".